THE FOUR HOLY BALLS WITNESSES
Pickle turned human, Chris found himself lost and alone in his new found human identity. A simple friendly encounter in a psych-ward led to a strong friend group and soon he found himself spiritually awoken after becoming one of four holy witnesses and a subsequent leader of Balls Gate.
He is often revered as a living tutelary spirit of pickles, gumbo, and overall good health.
- "My balls are the gift"
- "I want a dresser and I want to fill the top drawer with taco bell mild sauce packets"
- "Don't come to no voice zone tomorrow."
Earth is a peculiar demon who found herself in a psych-ward after being involuntarily admitted for "feeling people inside her head." Doctors claimed it was some type of mental disorder which she refused to accept. She instead interpreted this as "a divine intervention." This intervention led to her communication with the Balls Deities and eventually the Balls Revelation as described in the Book of Balls making her one of the four holy witnesses.
She is seen as a vessel channeling the Balls Deities good fortune and a patron of
- - “yeah I use heroin”
- "White people are nacho, don’t you know?"
- diarrhea is poop grease"
- "I kill kids, thats okay"
- "Ive only had one job, i was a pole worker"
Fearlesskoolaid is a strange creature formed from a mixture of Baja Blast, Koolaid, and stem cells. However it seems like the scientist who created him did not properly measure the correct amount of Baja Blast resulting in an abnormally short stature. Despite this hurdle he managed to become a successful lawyer. But soon started experiencing hallucinations and admitted himself to a psych-ward. Here he would hear the whispers of the Balls Deities and obsess over ball shaped objects. He would then finally be witness to the Balls Revelation.
He is recognized as a patron of justice, and truth.
- "I just got unconsensually pooned"
- "Guys look it's a sunset! It's rising!"
- "Omg did chris just self diagnoised? Get canceled"
Shade is a humble interpreter who happened to stumble upon three patients at a psych-ward he had to work at for the afternoon. With much convincing from the three patients, Shade finally listened to their thoughts about a certain set of Balls Deities. After dismissing their thoughts and leaving work for the day along with the three patients who had been discharged, he would bear witness to the Balls Revelation becoming one of the four holy witnesses. As an unexpected witness, Shade was overwhelmed with the truth he had heard. SInce then he has made it his mission to provide church interpretations for Deaf followers of Balls Gate.
He is often seen as a patron of mortality, life and sexuality.
- " the whites are the healers, the blacks fuck shit up"
- "we got gangbanged by a fruit salad"